March 2, 2012
im not sure what time it is. i know its probably later than i want it to be while im writing a post.
i make a conscious effort not to look at the clock when i know its past my bedtime. if im not counting down the seconds until i will only get 7 hours of sleep…6 hours and 55 minutes of sleep…6 hours and 50 min of sleep…(you get the picture), ill be less tired tomorrow.
but to be honest, ill probably still be tired tomorrow.
i read on some stumbled website once that as adults, we’re always at least a little bit tired.
this my friends, i think might be true.
everyone i talk to seems just a little bit tired. always.
no matter how much sleep we could get, its as if the world itself is too exhausting to ever be fully rested.
but regardless of how much we dream about sleep throughout our day, as soon as we lie down, ready to take in the world of slumber, everything that we could be thinking about will pop into our heads. ready to occupy our sleeping time.
thats whats going on for me right now.
today was. remarkable.
its march first lovelies.
i think this might be one of my favorite days of the year.
even though it snowed today. even though there is a layer of ice on our nice minnesota sidewalks and roads. even though all of the snow and gross and wet just reminds me that its going to start flooding really really soon.
i dont really mind.
because its march 1st.
and winter is finally coming to a close. it makes me so happy i kinda wanna cry a little bit.
i tell myself and everyone around me that i love winter. that i couldnt live without it. that a world without seasons is like a world without goodness.
but when i register how god damn happy i am that this god awful experience is soon (knock on wood) going to be over, i think i might have just been lying to myself and everyone else.
i want sunshine. i want light jackets and breezy days. i want to wear flats. and sandals. and i want beaches.
and today. although snowy and wet and disgusting. provided a little bit of that.
i began a new chapter in one of my most cherished relationships. i loved my best friend a bit more. i realized how well i actually know myself after months of existentially wondering who i am. i made new friends. i finally understood what it means to share a piece of heart with someone while i also began to understand how much they actually care. and i also learned a few valuable life lessons.
really. all in one day.
and now i cant help but realize that i appreciate today so much more than i thought i would when i woke up this morning.
which makes me wonder if every day has this much potential. and to be honest, i really feel like it does. no matter how pessimistic i can be, especially when im tired, i know with all that i am that every day can be everything we could ever dream of. and luckily, that was my today.
and with that little bit of goodness, i feel like this winter can now comfortably. come to a close.
spring can grace us with her presence. and we can forget that winter even exists.
and perhaps more moments like those of today will find their way into my life.
[i hope they will].
January 28, 2012
that everyone who is frowning.
has the ability to not frown.
…im fascinated by frowns today.
while i was waiting in line for the car wash, i wrote a letter.
and in this letter, i started unraveling thoughts that i didnt know i even had.
i dont want to frown nearly as much as i have been lately.
and i dont want to be around people that i frown around more often than not.
because i really believe that we choose the directions we want our lives to go.
and the direction is what im trying to find.
all i know is i want it to be.
and i want to rub that loveliness off on the people in my life that have somehow stolen a piece of my heart.
whether they like it or not.
“If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.” — Maria Edgeworth
[im still trying to figure out how to take care of the moments.]